I want to be enlightened! Is the first thing we say when we start looking at it seriously, I mean most laugh it of. When I thought 'well everything else which is supposed to make me happy failed miserably, now what?' and typed in the word on google out of curiosity, I had some idea of yoga and meditation but what do I know!

Enlightenment (spiritual), a final blessed state free from ignorance, desire and suffering.

Well who wouldn't want that right? Well after finding the so called guru's and teacher's all claiming they had it, a few did as was clearly felt which kept me looking for that state and a Self I never found, the search was on!

But what the hell there are not two selves, one self to find the other Self, wow how great so I am the Self that perceives all yet is all. Felt so right for so long, untill that Ruthless basterd Ciaran Healy had to come by with his flamethrower of truth and burn every concept down to the ground! Leaving nothing...

Of course not knocklehead ! Everything was still there except the assumption of an existent self, EVERYTHING IS STILL THERE EXCEPT THE ASSUMPTION THAT THERE IS AN EXISTENT SELF, EVERYTHING IS STILL THERE EXCEPT THE ASSUMPTION THAT THERE IS SUCH A THING AS AN EXISTING SELF!!!

Unbelievable how many excuses there can be made up, not to really look into this! And why this cannot possibly be true. "There must be something there which is aware, so that must be me". Or "If there is no I who can do the looking?". Well as long as your worldview does not need to be questioned and one can keep searching for that final blessed state free from ignorance, desire and suffering no problem!

Ever wondered if there really is such a thing as enlightenment you are so desperately searching and craving for?

How do you know? Someone told you, you read it and it was believed! Including this oh so difficult path towards it, only the very few succeed in bringing to an end (at least that is what they say, very convenient isn't it?).

But what made them so special and different from you? While they say that they see no difference between them and you they contradict themselves by saying something needs to be done, changed or even shift. Find the Self and look into it untill it happens by the grace of Mr or Ms guru.

WELL WAKE UP FROM FAIRYTALE LAND IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT!

So honestly answer these questions! There is existence, no denying that, there is only one existence, no denying that, tell me how you are not included in existence?

If there is at least some sanity left in you, you did not have an answer and had to admit you are not seperate from existence! Why are you on the other hand still clinging to a seperate self which needs to be perfected or enlightened? How can this self exist seperately from existence?

Please honestly look into these questions! Don't make up excuses like he is not acting enlightened enough or it cannot be this simple DO IT NOW!


This is not about remembering concepts and analyzing them!

It is also not about doing something to end or MAKE anything disappear either!

Neither is it about perfect understanding and then a shift into eternal bliss! Or about only good feelings!

What is it about?




Leave all expectations behind and actually have the guts to check, test or see what happens in actual experience RIGHT NOW in this very instance, what is there happening? There is looking at the screen and reading of words, thoughts about this blog you are reading, body functioning [senses included] and awareness of all that, which is all existing not seperate from existence. Is there really a you or anything at all DOING all of this or is it just happening? DO NOT ANSWER ME ANSWER YOURSELF AFTER YOU REALLY CHECKED!

People go to a guru hoping to receive something from him, specially bliss is a big deal, you know the being-consciousness-bliss they speak about so often. Never in years of searching and self-enquiry have I found a lasting bliss CAUSE IT CANNOT BE MADE PERMANENT!!!

So now that I have your attention, Mr or Ms non-dual, know why this is not possible? Cause it would deny all the other feelings, specially the negative ones, how the hell can that be called non-dual? Possitive feelings included, negative ones not included in non-duality, isn't that a little strange?

Non-duality means just one undifferentiated existence everything included else this would imply duality. Well, at this moment you the reader thinks about himself as a seperate being right?

See how strange this actually is? Taking everything to be non-dual except oneself? Now what is going on here? This is caused by the fact that we don't know better than to look at ourselves as seperate from all the rest.

Everyone thinking like this wants to be happy as much as possible, well this spiritual path seems very appealing to accomplish this (certainly when life does not work out, career, health and/or relationship wise). So you start seeking for the most enlightened guru at who's feet you hope to receive enlightenment through his grace (which will not happen unless there is seen beyond a shadow of a doubt there is no self). Then the identity of a seeker becomes engrained pretty soon... Eventually nothing lasting is found cause well THERE IS NO DARN SPIRITUAL PATH OR SEEKER, THEY ARE ILLUSORY!!!

So where I'm going to with this is that yes there is indeed a so called non-dual existence... How the bleeb do we get to leaving ourselves out of this?! Well this starts in the cradle when our name and mommy and daddy start to become conditioned and crying is seen to result in attention and thus can influence the evironment. And so we grow up with the notion "I am separated from mommy, daddy and my environment" while all this time there is only existence taking place totally without any separation, meaning there can be no self in non-dual existence at all! True?

So that was just ANOTHER concept, very nice, put it in the backpack and on with the spiritual path to liberation right? Well if you now really still want to keep on trying and struggling with all you can to make the bliss permanent and enquire and meditate untill Ms Grace finds time to accidently fly by and the Self flows into the heart and samadhi suddenly out of the blue becomes permanent, be my guest!

Not Going To H A P P E N!


Good you are still reading, there is still hope for you... OF COURSE THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU, THERE IS NO YOU!!!

"Why does he keep shouting that is annoying" TO GET THROUGH THAT PIGGHEADED SKULL OF YOURS THAT THERE CANNOT BE A YOU IN REALITY!!!

So how to clearly see that there is no you, there never was and there never will be? Well for some the earlier was enough, others are still on the edge and in doubt what will happen if they take the leap and let this prrrrrrrrecious self go. The good thing is, the reality that there is no you is always already the case, meaning there is no you to let go of and no you to do the letting go or take the leap! You either see it or you don't.

It is only the LOOKING into your daily experience if it is true or not and then only the SEEING. So please don't go looking for something, it cannot be witnessed, it just isn't anywhere to be found that's the whole point!

NOW JUST LOOK! YOUR TURN NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!!!












Doubts? DOUBTS? DOUBTS?! Are you having doubts or are there just doubts?













Thoughts making seeing difficult? Are you having these thoughts? Or is thought just happening?













Is there fear stopping you from really looking? NO! There is only fear, no you to actually have them! So there is fear, look it straight into its ugly face! Why is it there? Is it protecting something? What is there behind fear?

Once I was watching a movie called Mr. Nodody about a man who, looking back over his life's experiences, finds out he doesn't exist at all, and never did.

After this realisation he mentions to his interviewer that he also does not exist and has no more moves to make, that he's stalemate (a situation in chess where a player has no more moves he can make without putting the king in danger, so the game is over).

This really struck a chord with me at the time, then still trying to become something like enlightened or self-realised, having tried and tried everything I heard from Ramana Maharshi and the like which eventually did not give me any lasting samadhi state or whatshemacallit.

I then saw that there really is no point in doing anything to become something other than you already are, cause as they say you already are That because all is That. A state of bliss remained...

But of course it did not last, as it never does and never will!

Why am I so sure of this? Well what is realised now is that what there was felt there at the end of that movie is that there really is no me other than a bunch of preferences and memories. There was bliss, but not for someone, only the realisation: "There is no I to have or gain anything at all, not even the bliss or the happiness that has been sought for".



So can it be seen? Stalemate! No more moves left to make to gain "enlightenment" cause there is nobody there to own it!

Yes that is very much possible for litterally everyone.

How? No doing here [who would be doing the doing if there is nobody there to do it?], just see if there is anyone there in all experiences of the day doing them or if there is just experience there?

"Of course there is! I am making the decisions you moron!" You might be thinking now, but was this assumption ever thoroughly tested?

Where is it? Is it in the mind? No, it is not constantly there [dreamless sleep, unconsciousness, during orgasm] so cannot really be you. Is it in the body? No, there is no control of any body function, that just happens.

But I am deciding what I like and what I do, right? Well if you do should it not be the case in everything that you take action on? But is this really always the case? Does this you always decide what there is done?

Also in an emergency, when a split second decides between life and death? Are you doing the action to save your or somebody elses life? Or is it just happening? No thought, no mind or I there huh?

Well you decide, see it or don't!

Well after reading the thunder and the sunshine [on the blog of a guy named Ciaran Healy founder of ruthlesstruth.com] and the truth of no I really had hit home this concept: "how can there be something  as an I truly being me if it wasn't immediately there at birth, nor in the weeks or months after?" came up.

This kept spinning around in my head for a while but then it faded leaving an inexpressable serenity, not for someone, just serenity, whether there were more thoughts or non at all, a lot of noise or total stillness, or any emotion it made no difference.

And up untill right now, although everything is happening in exactly the same way, it is not happening to anyone seperate but as a part of the whole of existence.

All these years of searching for "what I really am" suddenly felt so totally unnececarry, and it was. But why oh why is it that a bunch of guys on the internet who have figured it out on their own (don't believe that? Take a serious look for yourself here http://ruthlesstruthdotcom.blogspot.com/2010/10/thunder-and-sunshine.html ) got done what all these so called gurus could not? Well might this have to do something with their total focus on the absence of an I?

I mean there are only one or two gurus that do mention this but most of the time all kinds of eastern terminology is used in front of a western audience. Why the mysteriousness around this?

Well maybe just maybe (and I know some readers do not like what I am about to suggest) maybe guru's need their followers following them? I mean one or two who find what they have found great, that will be a nice example for the rest of them to keep coming but if most of them would then the guru would lose his importance very fast.

What I am trying to say is why are there so little so called guru's that are direct enough to show exacly what they found and how they found that?

And yes I know it is not an object but the subject and cannot be given on a silver platter, but hey this ain't rocket science either, they must be able to guide them through it if those blokes from ruthless truth can right? Anyway be your own judge but my advice is to take a very close look into the fact that this No Self thing just might really be true...

Studying, going to a 'Guru' to become 'enlightened' don't make me laugh! Do you need to study or have someone tell you that you are male or female? You only need to find out is there an I or is there not and then be bold enough to truly find out for yourself and stick to it till you have a clear doubtless answer! Respect for the guru just no need to depend on them or see them as anything other than just another human being seeing that in truth there can be no 'I' at all (which is actually quite easy), just test out if what they are saying is true or not and be done with it...