Well after reading the thunder and the sunshine [on the blog of a guy named Ciaran Healy founder of ruthlesstruth.com] and the truth of no I really had hit home this concept: "how can there be something  as an I truly being me if it wasn't immediately there at birth, nor in the weeks or months after?" came up.

This kept spinning around in my head for a while but then it faded leaving an inexpressable serenity, not for someone, just serenity, whether there were more thoughts or non at all, a lot of noise or total stillness, or any emotion it made no difference.

And up untill right now, although everything is happening in exactly the same way, it is not happening to anyone seperate but as a part of the whole of existence.

All these years of searching for "what I really am" suddenly felt so totally unnececarry, and it was. But why oh why is it that a bunch of guys on the internet who have figured it out on their own (don't believe that? Take a serious look for yourself here http://ruthlesstruthdotcom.blogspot.com/2010/10/thunder-and-sunshine.html ) got done what all these so called gurus could not? Well might this have to do something with their total focus on the absence of an I?

I mean there are only one or two gurus that do mention this but most of the time all kinds of eastern terminology is used in front of a western audience. Why the mysteriousness around this?

Well maybe just maybe (and I know some readers do not like what I am about to suggest) maybe guru's need their followers following them? I mean one or two who find what they have found great, that will be a nice example for the rest of them to keep coming but if most of them would then the guru would lose his importance very fast.

What I am trying to say is why are there so little so called guru's that are direct enough to show exacly what they found and how they found that?

And yes I know it is not an object but the subject and cannot be given on a silver platter, but hey this ain't rocket science either, they must be able to guide them through it if those blokes from ruthless truth can right? Anyway be your own judge but my advice is to take a very close look into the fact that this No Self thing just might really be true...

Studying, going to a 'Guru' to become 'enlightened' don't make me laugh! Do you need to study or have someone tell you that you are male or female? You only need to find out is there an I or is there not and then be bold enough to truly find out for yourself and stick to it till you have a clear doubtless answer! Respect for the guru just no need to depend on them or see them as anything other than just another human being seeing that in truth there can be no 'I' at all (which is actually quite easy), just test out if what they are saying is true or not and be done with it...

Thoughts, body, senses and the world it perceives are there, nothing has to be done about this it will drop someday. It is only identification with the body-mind as I that creates struggle or suffering. Once having had an awakening to what you really are, the subject and not the object -physical or subtle- this identification needs to shift from the body-mind you thought you were to what you really are, the Center and Source of all, everything and everyone which is your own Self.

All of this is just a concept, eventually you have to leave concepts alone and abide as your true center which is your own Self [and the Self of every other Being].

You are not the center of the universe - There can be only one center of the universe - You are a tiny part of the universe. So your own center is the same center and source of the universe meaning all, everything and everyone. This is your true identity! Also there is no duality between this source and everything that springs forth from it. All of this is just a concept, eventually you have to leave concepts alone and abide as your true center which is your own Self.

Who identifies the body as I? Whom is talking to whom as one is thinking to oneself? In fact who is identifying thoughts as I? Isn't the answer to all of this just thought? Thought is the most transient one is able to perceive, but who or what perceives them? Continuously consider this, not with the mind but by looking beyond the mind and abiding there.
All of this is just a concept, eventually you have to leave concepts alone and abide as your true center which is your own Self [and the Self of every other Being].

Nothing left to say or think about That which is our True Origin and Self. Nothing me or anyone else can ever do or say to make you realize what you truly are. Eventually it is you who has to see That what you already are. And there is no set way to 'get' this. You have to investigate your experience from waking to dreaming to deep sleep. When waking first there is the knowledge I am without a single thought there yet also then you are, undeniably, what is seeing this? That is the Source of all.
All of this is just a concept, eventually you have to leave concepts alone and abide as your true center which is your own Self [and the Self of every other Being].

Well what was your state when you were just born? You were just being totally without thought totally unidentified with the body, world or anything else. Nothing really changed at the core despite all the conditioning and identification with the mind, emotions, experiences and the world. Only when you can see what you are beyond this you will realize what you already are. When realizing that utterly Everything comes and goes in That which cannot come and go. Look for That which cannot be seen, meaning witness everything coming and going Just Being That!